The Deepest Cut Page 3

  David clicked his pen and wrote something on his pad, then clicked it again and put it back into his pocket.

  ‘I’ve had an idea,’ he said. ‘Do you want to hear it?’

  I nodded.

  He pulled out a brand new pad from under his pile of papers and held it out to me.

  I took it off him.

  ‘I have very limited information about what happened to Jake,’ he paused and leant forward a bit, but not too much that it made me uncomfortable. ‘I do know that there was another friend, too. Nathan, yes?’

  I moved my chair back and away from him and crossed my hands over my chest.

  ‘What I want you to try and do, Adam, is to write down some stuff for me. Nothing about what happened that night just yet. I want you to tell me how you met Jake and Nathan, first.’

  I put the pad on my lap.

  ‘And maybe, if you feel you can, I’d like to know about what happened when your mum passed away. And if there was ever a time you fell out with Jake or Nathan that had nothing to do with Jake’s death?’ He paused. ‘You think you can?’ He asked.

  If I did what he asked, and was on my best behaviour, maybe he’d realise I wasn’t crazy and would let me out. As long as I didn’t have to talk about what happened that night, I didn’t mind.

  ‘See how you feel, no pressure,’ his eyebrows were raised waiting for a response.

  I leant forward and took his pen out of his pocket and he smiled.

  ‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ he said. Then he left and the nurse came back in to take me back to my room.

  It’s funny, when you’re made to sit down and think about your memories, suddenly there’s not a lot you can remember. I mean, if I work it out, I’ve been on this earth for 365 days x 17 years, which is … I don’t know, I can’t work it out in my head, but that’s a lot of days and a lot of stuff that’s happened to me, but I can’t remember it all.

  I wonder where all the memories go? Maybe there’s a part of your brain, a bit like a filing cabinet, that they stay in. Some of them you can just open the drawer and pull out, but some of the drawers are locked and will stay locked forever.

  Jake and I were friends since nursery school – I know that, but I can’t remember much about back then, the memories are stored in a hard-to-reach place. I do know we were friends from the first day. Then our mums became friends and, because my mum worked, Jake’s mum Debbie picked us up from school every day and gave us our tea, before my mum got there to take me home.

  Jake and I never argued and we never fell out. We were closer than close. In year six when we were waiting to find out which secondary schools we’d got into; we were both so nervous and terrified we wouldn’t get into the same one. The morning the email came to tell us I made my mum ring Jake’s mum straight away to make sure Jake had got in, too. When I found out he had, we screamed down the phone to each other for ages.

  We met Nathan on our first day at secondary school. We were walking up the path towards the main block when he accidentally stood on someone’s foot.

  ‘You just stood on my fucking foot,’ an angry voice came from behind us, then Nathan went flying forwards into the people in front. The person whose voice it was had shoved him hard in the back.

  ‘Sorry,’ Nathan said quickly, not really sure who he was apologising to by the look of it. He was on his own, and he looked really scared. I felt sorry for him and I knew from the look on Jake’s face that he did, too.

  ‘You dickhead,’ the voice came again. It was a proper deep voice. Nathan was spun around fast, so we all stopped.

  ‘Sorry,’ Nathan said again, face to face with the boy whose voice it was.

  ‘You stood on my fucking foot,’ the boy said.

  ‘He’s said he’s sorry, leave it, man,’ Jake said.

  The boy looked Jake up and down, then he turned back to Nathan. ‘Apologise to my foot,’ he said, deadly serious.

  Nathan went bright red. I wasn’t surprised: people were watching as they walked past.

  ‘I said apologise to my foot,’ the boy said again. This time he was right up in Nathan’s face. I was so embarrassed for him, but too scared to do anything about it.

  ‘I said leave it, man,’ Jake said again.

  ‘Was I talking to you?’ The boy said to Jake. ‘Or was I talking to your little spastic of a friend?’

  ‘Come on,’ I said, trying to pull Jake away.

  ‘Apologise. To. My. Foot.’ The boy said louder, pulling Nathan back.

  ‘Sorry,’ Nathan mumbled and I cringed.

  A teacher appeared. ‘Keep it moving guys, come on, get a move on,’ he said.

  The boy walked off with his mates like nothing happened.

  ‘That’s William,’ a girl said to us. She’d started walking next to Nathan. ‘He was in our primary school and he’s a right idiot. Just ignore him and stay away from him.’ She smiled at Nathan, then ran off to catch up with her mates.

  ‘You OK?’ Jake asked him.

  ‘Yeah man, what a dickhead.’ He laughed. I knew he was only pretending to be OK.

  ‘Ignore him,’ I said. ‘I’m Adam by the way, and this is Jake.’

  He did a sort of wave. ‘I’m Nathan, and thanks,’ he said.

  The bell went and we all went our separate ways.

  At lunchtime, we saw Nathan sitting on his own reading a book. He was looking lost and lonely. It made me feel lucky to have Jake. I didn’t think I’d be able to cope with the shame of sitting by myself all lunchtime.

  ‘It must be pretty bad not having any mates,’ I said to Jake.

  ‘Shall we go over?’

  ‘What do you think of him?’ I asked.

  ‘I dunno, let’s go and find out.’

  Nathan looked up from his book and seemed shocked when he saw us standing in front of him. He put the book away in his brand new, giant rucksack and smiled.

  ‘Thought we’d come and say hi,’ Jake said.

  ‘You alright?’ I asked.

  He nodded.

  ‘You tried the school lunches?’ Jake asked. ‘They’re well rank. I’m getting my mum to do me a packed lunch tomorrow.’

  Nathan laughed.

  ‘We don’t bite, you know,’ Jake said. Nathan was coming across a bit snobby, like maybe he didn’t really want to be talking to us. I reckoned he was just shy.

  ‘I had a jacket potato; it was cold and hard,’ Nathan said.

  ‘Haven’t you got any friends from your primary school here?’ I asked him. I sat down next to him, took a bag of sweets from my pocket and offered him one. He rummaged in the bag, took a cola bottle, and smiled.

  ‘I’ve just moved here,’ he said. ‘My dad had to move closer to work so I don’t really know anyone.’

  ‘You can hang out with us,’ Jake said.

  Nathan looked surprised and a bit hopeful.

  I smiled at him. ‘Yeah, we’ll look after you.’

  ‘Ad, that sounds well soft, should have just stuck with hanging out, man.’ Jake laughed. ‘Didn’t he sound soft, Nath?’

  ‘Yeah, totally,’ he said, and his face broke into a huge smile and we all cracked up laughing.

  ‘And who is this, then?’ Debbie asked, as Nathan followed Jake and I into the kitchen after school.

  ‘This, is Nathan.’ Jake did a little bow at Nathan like he was presenting him to royalty and we all laughed.

  ‘Nice to meet you, Nathan,’ Debbie said, opening the fridge. ‘Would you like orange juice or apple juice, and does your mum know you’re here?’

  I grabbed a juice carton off the side, pulled out a chair and was sitting with my feet on the table until Debbie came and slapped them off. ‘Stop showing off, we’ve got company,’ she whispered to me with wide eyes.

  ‘Orange, please,’ Nathan said quietly. He was standing by the kitchen door, and he was rubbing the back of his neck and looking at the floor.

  ‘His mum knows, Mum,’ Jake said. He opened the treat cupboard and gestured Nathan over. Nathan walke
d through the kitchen slowly and carefully.

  ‘I’m sure Nathan can answer for himself, Jake,’ Debbie said.

  ‘Yeah,’ Nathan said. ‘She’s at work till, like, eight every night, so this is better if it’s OK with you. I get bored at home on my own.’

  ‘What about your dad?’ Debbie asked.

  ‘Mum, stop with all the questions,’ Jake said. His eyes were wide. He held out the chocolate bar box to Nathan.

  ‘He works, too,’ Nathan said. He picked out a KitKat. ‘Thanks,’ he said, waving his KitKat in Debbie’s direction.

  Debbie nodded. ‘Brothers and sisters?’

  ‘Sister, but she goes to a childminder. She’s in primary school.’

  ‘OK,’ Debbie said, nodding. ‘Well, you’re always welcome to come here with Jake and Adam. Do you want to stay for dinner?’

  Nathan looked at Jake, then me, for approval. We nodded.

  ‘Yes please,’ he said.

  ‘Good,’ she said. ‘Right, get out of here you lot, you’re under my feet.’ She laughed and ushered us out of the kitchen so she could get on.

  ‘Sorry about all the questions,’ Jake said flopping onto his bed and opening his bag of crisps.

  ‘That’s OK. It’s nice, you know, she cares.’

  ‘Yeah, she does,’ Jake said.

  I sat down on the end of Jake’s bed and opened my crisps and juice. Nathan stood in the doorway looking around Jake’s room. Jake jumped up to his Xbox and turned it on.

  ‘Do you play?’ He asked Nathan.

  ‘A bit,’ he said.

  Jake was holding one controller in each hand. He was biting his lip and his nose was curled up. ‘I’ve only got two controllers,’ he said.

  ‘It’s OK,’ Nathan said sitting on Jake’s bean bag chair. ‘I’ll just watch for a bit.’

  Jake threw one of the controllers at me and it hit me right in the knee. I did a massive fake scream, then I leant over and smacked Jake in the arm. ‘Dick,’ I said.

  Jake and Nathan laughed.

  ‘What games have you got at home?’ I asked Nathan.

  He looked towards the window. ‘I haven’t really. I mostly play when I go to my cousin’s house,’ he said.

  ‘Have you got a PlayStation?’ Jake asked, signing in.

  Nathan shook his head.

  ‘What do you do at home, then?’ He asked.

  ‘Erm, I…’

  ‘You don’t have to have a PS4 or an Xbox, Jake,’ I said. I could tell Nathan was really uncomfortable. I thought back to earlier when we’d seen him on the bench reading his book, and guessed he probably just liked reading. Maybe he wasn’t that into games and stuff.

  ‘Well, you can play here whenever you like,’ Jake said. ‘Do you like FIFA?’

  ‘I love it,’ he said.

  ‘Watch me kick Adam’s arse into next week, then you can try and take me on yourself. You know the controls, right?’

  Nathan shrugged.

  ‘You don’t know them?’ I asked. ‘Have you ever played?’

  Nathan shrugged again.

  Jake and I looked at each other.

  Nathan looked at the floor.

  ‘Don’t be sad, Nathey Boy,’ Jake said. He leant over and gave Nathan a slap on the back of his shoulder. ‘Now is as good a time as any to learn. But let me tell you this… you will never, ever, be as good as I am.’

  ‘He thinks he’s the king of FIFA,’ I said, rolling my eyes.

  ‘Have you ever beaten me?’ Jake asked as the crowd started up and the game began.

  ‘Shut up,’ I said.

  ‘Exactly.’ Jake gave me a smug smile. ‘Nathan, just watch, and learn,’ Jake said as he booted his first goal straight in the back of the net.

  The next day, at lunchtime, it all kicked off in the canteen. The school dinners weren’t even fit for a dog to eat, so Jake and I brought lunch in with us. Nathan hadn’t because his mum was too busy to make him one, and told him pretty much just to get on with it.

  I had a bag with an apple, sandwich, and can of drink. Jake had his old Power Rangers lunchbox stuffed to the seams with food that Debbie had put in there, just in case we were all really hungry.

  Jake had barely got the zip of his lunchbox undone when we heard William’s voice singing the Power Ranger’s theme tune.

  Jake clenched his fists. I knew there was going to be trouble because I’d never seen Jake clench his fists before.

  Nathan saw it, too. He had a panicked look on his face; probably thinking exactly what I was, that some serious trouble was about to go down.

  William went right up in Jake’s face, singing still. He was singing it. Right in his ear. All his mates were standing around laughing.

  He turned to the girl in the seat next to Jake and told her to move. She looked up at him, confused. ‘Move,’ he shouted in her face and she got up, looking like she was about to cry, leaving her lunch where it was. William brushed it out of the way and sat down next to Jake, leaning his elbows on the table.

  ‘Where’s your lunch, then?’ William asked Nathan.

  None of us said anything. I was holding my sandwich mid-air, too afraid to take a bite.

  ‘Mummy not do you a packed lunch?’ William asked Nathan in a really piss-taking voice.

  We all stayed silent. Ignore the bully. Ignore them. That’s what we’d always been told. Then they’d go away. But he didn’t.

  He turned to Jake.

  ‘So not quite moved up to being a secondary school boy yet, have we?’ He asked, pulling the Power Rangers lunchbox towards him. ‘What’ve we got here, then? Ooooh a chicken drumstick, oooooh another chicken drumstick …’

  I watched Jake’s jaw go tight.

  ‘Oooooooh, cold sausages and a Babybel,’ William carried on. He was taking stuff out of Jake’s lunchbox and passing it back to his mates. I watched Jake’s face change into an expression I’d never seen on him before. I had a feeling he was about to explode. I had to man up.

  ‘Look, can you just stop it, please?’ I asked putting my sandwich down and trying to pull Jake’s lunchbox back.

  William laughed. ‘Look at you trying to stick up for your mate. You look like you couldn’t fight your way out of a wet paper bag.’

  Jake shot up.

  My breath caught in my throat.

  Nathan’s eyes bulged.

  ‘Give me my lunchbox back,’ he said. His voice was calm but steady.

  William and his mates started cracking up. Silence had fallen on the area of the canteen we were in and everyone was watching us.

  Jake tried to take his lunchbox back but William grabbed it and lobbed it in the corner, the rest of Jake’s lunch going everywhere.

  I didn’t see it coming. I mean, I knew Jake was properly pissed off but I didn’t see it coming. I don’t think any of us saw it coming.

  I heard it. The punch he landed on William’s jaw. An almighty crack followed by everyone gasping. I’d never seen him that angry. I’d definitely never seen him punch anyone.

  Then it erupted. The whole canteen was chanting ‘fight, fight, fight’ as William wrestled Jake down and they were scrapping right there in front of everyone. I looked at Nathan, and he looked back at me, and I knew we should try and stop it but neither of us was moving.

  ‘That’s enough,’ a teacher shouted. I’d not seen her before. She was short and dumpy and a bit sweaty. I think maybe she’d spilled some soup or something down her white, stripy shirt because there was a big red splodge on it.

  A male teacher followed her into the canteen and grabbed William while she pulled Jake away, pushed him back, and stood in front of him. Her hand was hovering in front of his chest, telling him not to move. Not to try it.

  When he took a step back, she looked at all of us. ‘Get on with your lunches,’ she shouted.

  We did as she said because she was scary.

  ‘You, out of here, now,’ she said practically marching Jake from the canteen while the other teacher took William out.

/>   After Nathan and I picked up his lunchbox, saving as much of his lunch as we could, we went up to find Jake sitting outside the staff room.

  His face was angry still and he was holding his hand, the one he’d used to punch William with.

  ‘You OK?’ I asked him.

  ‘Idiot,’ he spat. Then he looked at us both. ‘Not you, him.’

  ‘Where is he?’ Nathan asked, looking around.

  ‘Medical room,’ Jake said, and a small smile appeared on his face, and we all cracked up laughing.

  ‘At least he won’t mess with any of us now,’ Nathan said.

  ‘True. We got to stick together,’ I said.

  ‘And he’ll know not to mess with my food again,’ Jake said.

  ‘Is that why you smacked him in the face?’ Nathan asked. ‘Because he messed with your lunch?’

  ‘Nah man, my Mum made that for me. I took offence.’

  I smiled at him.

  ‘What?’ He asked, rubbing his hand.

  ‘Mummy’s boy,’ I said.

  ‘Yeah, and what?’

  ‘Out of here, you two.’ The teacher came out of the staff room with a pissed-off look on her face. I couldn’t take her seriously with that red splodge down her shirt. I looked at Jake and tried not to laugh.

  Nathan gave Jake his lunchbox. ‘It’s all been all over the floor, man, you won’t wanna eat it now,’ he said.

  ‘Can I go and get some lunch?’ Jake asked Miss Soup Splodge or whatever her name was.

  ‘No, you cannot.’ She rolled her eyes and folded her arms in front of her chest.

  ‘But I’m gonna be well hungry,’ he said. His voice was broken.

  ‘Well, you should have thought about that before you started a fight in the canteen.’

  ‘He didn’t start it,’ Nathan said. ‘William did.’

  ‘That’s not what I heard,’ she said. She put her hands on her hips, cocked her head and raised her eyebrows at him.

  ‘I need lunch,’ he said.

  ‘I don’t care,’ she said, not moving.

  ‘Will he be back in lessons this afternoon?’ Nathan asked.

  ‘Nope, he’s got his first date with isolation,’ she said, looking straight at Jake. ‘And I’ll be calling your mum in a minute. Not the best way to start a new school, is it?’